4 WAYS TO SUSTAIN BETTER FRIENDSHIPS IN YOUR 20’S

Friendships are one of the most beautiful gifts life gives us. The ability to form a bond with someone, sometimes a stranger, can be so beautiful. Friendship makes life a little brighter, more fun and less depressing.

Imagine a world where there is no such thing as friendship. Sad huh?

When we were kids, you would agree that making friends was a whole lot easier. You eat lunch with someone one day and the next day you have earned yourself a new friend.

As we grew older, friendships began to feel different. It required more effort. It suddenly wasn’t enough to call people “friends” just because you share meals sometimes or because you hung with the same crowd. Friendship became more demanding and sometimes exhausting.

In our 20’s, friendship becomes something more definitive. It wasn’t something that happens unconsciously. It was something that requires you to be more present. This sometimes can be inundating as friendship becomes more than colors and rainbows or just about the fun times.

Adulthood comes with a lot of baggage and we have to deal with it in our friendships too. This is why it isn’t uncommon to find ourselves drifting away from our childhood friends as we get older. However, just because friendships in our 20s and beyond can be more difficult doesn’t mean we should be alone. We can navigate our way around it and build a friendship that doesn’t just last but is as fulfilling and ecstatic as its duration. It is one thing to have a friendship that spans for so long and it is another to have one that leaves you feeling fulfilled. You hit Jackpot if you have both.

Here are 4 ways to sustaining better friendships.

1. DEFINE EACH FRIENDSHIP

As I grew older I started redefining what friendship meant to me. It was more than the people with whom I hung out or gist with. It was more of how they made my life better.

In my 20’s, I don’t make friends just for the sake of it. People often term me selfish for this, but then I found out I was happier defining my friendships. It is no use being surrounded by a bunch of people and yet my life feels just as stale as it would be if I were to be alone.

I have different categories of friends. I have are friends I gist with. Friends that give me great advice. Friends that I can run to in case of emergencies etc. There are also those friendships give me more than one advantage.

Knowing what each friend is for makes it a whole lot easier. I won’t expect a friend that is solely for gist and happy times to be there for me in difficult times. Expectations can hurt and make friendships look so difficult. But when you see certain relationships for what they truly are, you are happier and the friendship lasts better.

2. MATCH THEIR ENERGY

Don’t you hate it when you go out of your way for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you?

I love people. I treat them with dignity no matter who they are. I give what I can and if there is a way to make their life better, I would do that. I would without expecting anything in reciprocation because whatever I do for them is within my puissance.

However, there are some other people for whom you leave your comfort zone for, move heaven when they need you to, but then when you need them….nothing. Situations like this could hurt so bad that if care isn’t taken, you might grow bitter.

The simple way to handle these types of friendships is to match their energy. Do what you can without going out of your way to do so. You are human too and you deserve all the love you give.

Friendships where both parties are content in the effort they put in last longer. The problem usually arise when one person feels they are doing so much and getting so little in return. To avoid feeling used, simply match energy with energy. Matching someone’s energy doesn’t mean you stop being friends with them, it simply means you put just as much effort as the person does.

3.ALWAYS TALK TO THEM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT A SITUATION

Communication is the bedrock of any healthy friendship. After all, what is friendship if you can’t say how you really feel?

I personally believe in communication, if I feel what you did hurt me, I would tell you it did. If it is something petty that can be overlooked, I might just ignore it.

Keeping things to yourself especially when you aren’t okay with the situation can put a strain on your friendship. Learn to talk things through. Apologize when you are at fault and demand an apology when you are wronged. Just because you are friends with someone doesn’t mean your emotions and feelings should be disregarded. That is unhealthy.

4. RECOGNIZE THAT COMMUNICATION MIGHT CHANGE

Our 20’s are busy years. Some of us are in the university trying so hard to pass our exams, some are working and others are caught up in their marriage. It would be selfish to expect the same attention you got in your high school days. We are all trying to figure out our lives and get our acts together. So let us learn to cut each other some slacks.

it is important to note that communications might be less frequent, and that is okay. What is important is that, they are there for the important moments of our lives or at least make an effort to be there.

Finally, there are no clear cut ways to sustaining friendship and sometimes no matter all your efforts, some friendships die or you drift apart. Do not be hard on yourself when this happens. Instead, cherish the good times and be content with them.